I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wear drunk well.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
