clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
