I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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