we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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