the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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