And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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