ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
