dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize