Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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