Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Of course I have a pirate flag
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
