I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
