quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
