I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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