is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He shit in the fireplace
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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