i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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