....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
