You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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