Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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