and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
