I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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