The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
