I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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