She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You did what with his pubic hair?
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