i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
