i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
