I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
