question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize