I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize