Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize