yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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