He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize