dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
