one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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