after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We left an ass print on the piano.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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