He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
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Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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