I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
