i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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