I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
