Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
