I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize