the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
