Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
