small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
