Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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