This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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