Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
