Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i think i just lost a toe
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
