based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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