OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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