Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
