don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize