A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
