When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
