I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
