I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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