going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
