You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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