hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
