I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize