I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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