you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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