Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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